Release

When I died, I flew away

Away from want and frustration

I flew away from confusion and obfuscation

I flew away… just away

 

I traveled over lust and curiosity

I saw anticipation and tingly feelings of joy

I watched longing and ache, melancholy and shock

I flew above them all and didn’t react

 

I saw myself cry

I saw myself leap for joy

I saw myself laugh so hard I held myself with my arms

I saw myself hiding in pillows and blankets

Waiting for the awful to subside

 

When I died, I felt and didn’t feel everything

It all traveled within me while I named none of it

Everything washed over me like an impossibly warm waterfall

The exact same temperature as my body

 

When I died, I left all of this

I left unrequited love and jealousy

I left I can’t remember and I don’t want to

I left you should have known better

 

From not too high above

I watched myself not have

I also watched myself hold and treasure

For a moment I worried that I might fall back into it all

 

I was heartbroken

I was ecstatic with life

I wept in spasms that I thought would rupture me

I remembered that I lept into anything, with people I loved

And I felt happiness too powerful to name

Without knowing I should label it for safekeeping

 

When I died, I felt everything

It all traveled within me while I held none of it

Everything washed over me like an impossibly warm waterfall

The exact same temperature as my body